2014-03-18

THE GARDEN OF SEX & MY ADVICE TO TEENS

Teens, Sex, and Celibacy.  This is a topic I have been wanting to address.  I am a grown woman today who teaches women about feeling their sensuality through bellydance and yogic philosophy and practice.  In my early teens, however, I knew nothing other then what television portrayed and I could read in sexy articles of my mothers Vogue and Bazaar Magazines.  At the age of thirteen, I began to like a boy for the first time.  I remember being so excited the first time he invited me over to his house. At that point, our teen relationship consisted of passing letters to each other after class.  Then I remember when I was finally there alone with him, yes alone, because his mother left the house, and left us there by ourselves!  Well, he lead me by the hand into his room, which I thought would be for romantic kiss perhaps.  Instead this fourteen year old boy begin to request we should have sex.  I was completely grossed out as he exposed his private parts laying there.  I told him, "no", that I didn't want to and I left the room.  I then asked him to use the phone and I called my mom to come get me. I explained to her that his mom had left and that she should come for me.  I remember then how the boy that I thought I liked so much, immediately, was on the phone with another girl.  Then he explained to me how she could come over to have sex then.  Well, Im NOT really that impressed, I thought as I waited there for my mom in the awkward silence.   The next year I begin to date an older boy, he was sixteen and I was fourteen.  He was very sweet and even surprised me with a puppy once, took me out to picnics, and even seem to enjoy talking to my mom.  Then one day, the request was once again the issue.  He had taken me to his family boat house on the lake.  He took me into a private room and said he wanted to "be" together.  I told him "no", that I didn't want to.  So he then decided that maybe he would chance his effort that I would orally go for it.  He actually sprayed mint spray on his penis which began to sting and create a fiery burning sensation! I remember how he hopped up and down begging me to now "do" something to "help" him out of the situation.  "Too bad", I said to him and I laughed and left the room immediately.  Well, one thing that always happened in these young relationships was, as soon as I declined the sexual requests, I would be dumped, and they seemed to move on from "liking" me.  I began to get into my own creative things more, and looking back I am grateful for the times with my older brother, doing comedy skits and creating music videos.   I didn't really seek much boy attention during those times.  Then somehow, later in life though, I did get married early, at the age of 21.  I found that sexual relationships were like opening up pandoras box.  Today, I have grown into realizing something.  Young girls just need friendships and each other really.  In fact, I am in support that young girls should share there sexual curiosity with each other.  I am in support of gay exploration in order to seek wisdom within.  My advice is to refrain from sexual activity with boys until you are older.  Then, even when you are older, learn about the powers of tantra and celibacy.  Learn how to satisfy yourself, and do not be in a hurry to jump into having children right away.  That I did.  I begin having children at the age of 21, and I must say, it is quite the journey of realizing responsibility.  It can be an illusion that it will be easy.  Trust me. Now at the age of thirty five, and as a mother of four, I have learned so much.  I love teaching belly dance and yoga to girls and women as it gives a sexual outlet for the spiraling energy of kundalini. I have much respect for the cultures that teach this girls beginning at a young age.  Sex will not give you anything you that can not develop alone within yourself using these practices.  Once you create the magic within your own self, you will then find the path to meet the perfect partner aligned for you, when the time is right, you will know.  It will not feel like pressure, or a question.  It will be like your own inner garden growing its own knowing.